Today I lost everything...

I may look pathetic when you look at me from that angle. Please don't judge without hearing my story. I am a girl that is lost in wasted time. I always said that I will never regret what I've done before but after a while I just know that's not the right way to do things. I always tried my best to make everyone feel comfortable and expected the same from everyone. I thought my perspective was right and that someday, somehow I would find someone or someone would find me and then I would be happy. Everything because I believed that if I was a good person then at some point I would find happiness. First, looking for passionate love and failed. Then, friendship that is awesome until there's a point that your way is not the same as your friend so maybe at the end you will be alone. The fear of being forgotten. What if that important person forgets about you. I preffer to fake a goodbye than being forgotten. I'm so afraid of all the time I wasted looking for hope that doesn't exist. All these tears and dreams are killing me and I'm tired of being alone.